Relationship
Success For the Holiday Season
By Ed Rigsbee, CSP
(693 words)
During the traditional Christian holiday
season; Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year-there are some honest
relationship challenges. Let's start with the relative from Hell, you know who
I talking about. You would rather crawl on your hands and knees over 5 miles
of broken glass than to see them yet another holiday. And to make the
situation even more excruciating, this relative from Hell is an in-law.
Dealing with the Relative from Hell
In this dynamic you have two competing goals;
first you want to respect your sweetie and in turn show respect for his/her
relatives. Second, you want to maintain your sanity throughout the holiday
season. I believe both are possible by slightly shifting your view of this
nasty relative. Big problem folks generally are very small persons inside. You
really do already know that this, pain in the rear, relative truly does have
huge self-esteem issues so that knowledge should make it just a bit easier for
you to exhibit your best "holiday tolerance."
I realize that sometimes just being in the same
room as this person makes you want to puke, however for the sake of your
sweetie, your family, and yourself; shift your view. Two tactics that will
help you survive the encounter; consume less alcohol and ask plenty of
questions. You might be thinking, come on Ed, I need a bottle of
"Jack" just to be in the same room with this person. No you do not;
what you need is to moderate your alcohol consumption so you can
"control" the situation.
You control the evening by either sitting in
the corner with an honest and joyous smile-controlling your emotion or you
"control" the other person with questions. Keep them talking, show a
modicum of interest and internally enjoy the folly of their idiocy; but keep
the enjoyment to yourself. Additionally, since you have made reasonable
relationship deposits with this relative from Hell, when their idiocy just
becomes intolerable, send them on a different course with an intelligent (and
appearing honest) question. Pre-plan these questions before the visit and
you'll be ready. Taking this approach will truly help you to exhibit your best
"holiday tolerance."
Spouse Holiday Expectations
Trust me on this one; if you have never asked your honey about his/her holiday
traditions and current expectations-you have got a problem. Too frequently
each member of a "couple" will think they are doing what the other
wants but in reality they are not. This dynamic just breeds contempt.
You will have honest issues such as which
relatives do we visit when. This is an area where both have to be flexible and
tolerant toward the needs of the other. Talk about your plans sincerely and
each partner must be both honest in your expectations and tolerant of the
needs of your partner. Do this and there will be a happy middle ground.
Enjoy the Holidays
Why do you run yourself ragged in an effort to create the "Martha
Stewart" holiday experience? This kind of holiday experience only focuses
on the external. While there is nothing wrong with having a festive holiday
environment; it should be more about the relationships than the trimmings.
Give of yourself; this can be even more
seductive than the giving of bobbles and brands. Save some money and running
around this holiday by giving your special someone a coupon book filled with
acts of personal kindness. Be creative and seductive-you will be amazed with
the response you receive from your honey.
During holiday gatherings be "mentally and
emotionally present" and enjoy the fellowship of your family and
friends-even the relative from Hell. Yes, there will be traffic and people
driving that must have purchased their driver's license from the Internet.
However, all of that "stuff" is simply the "dust in the
conduit" of getting from where you are to where you want to be.
Just in case you are wondering about me-I am
blessed with fabulous parents-in-law-I look forward to their visits. And since
my wife emigrated with her parents from Austria when she was young, none of
her other relatives live here in America. Now, talking about some of my
relatives; that's another story.
Copyright (c) 2010 Ed Rigsbee
# # #
Ed Rigsbee, CSP, for over two
decades, as the speaker on relationships has been helping business individuals and organizations of
all sizes to grow their market through smart alliance
relationships--while at the same time helping individuals to develop
what he calls Relationship Glue for their personal lives. He
is also the author of PartnerShift-How to Profit from the
Partnering Trend and The Art of Partnering. Rigsbee has
over 1,500 hard-copy published articles to his credit and is a
regular keynote presenter at corporate and trade association
conferences teaching North America how to access their Collaborative
Advantage through the steps he shares in his writing and
lectures. You can access all Ed's Web Sites and Blogs through http://www.edrigsbee.com.
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