Understanding
Our Hard Wiring for Relationship Success
By Ed Rigsbee, CSP
(470 words)
Not long ago, I asked this question of my
Facebook friends, "Wondering...what have you done today to elevate
your relationships both at home and work? Did you make a Relationship Bank
Deposit today?"
A particular response I enjoyed was:
"My best reply after countless cups of coffee and the entire day off
is...to elevate one's own self-awareness is indeed to make the best deposit
possible in another's emotional bank! Self-awareness is highly effective in
our attempts to be tolerant and accepting of others, regardless of our own
agenda or ability to comply."
Our Wiring
I believe that it is safe to say that most would agree on the idea that women
are hard-wired to nurture. However, few would say the same for men. As such,
nurturing for men must be learned. Nurturing was generally not part of a boy's
elementary and secondary school education. Add the complications of young
woman's expectations of young men, and we have plenty of "defective"
guys running around out there.
First, nurturing for men tends not to come
naturally and takes quite some time to learn. Women, here is the cruel truth;
deal with it. I could go into great detail, but suffice it to say...this is
one that not likely to change any time soon.
Second, women are accountable to help men learn
to nurture--yep, I said it! Women must put an effort into helping men learn
that which society kept from them. And men are accountable to make an effort
to learn the odd concept of nurturing others.
Third, both men and women must be accountable
to themselves to tell their partner of their needs--rather than to keep those
needs bottled up inside and hope the other will somehow just know what they
want--like that's gonna happen? If you are not receiving what you need, you
will not particularly feel like nurturing your partner so it is important that
both partners get what they need from the other.
Fourth, guys have to get their heads out of
their rear end and realize that it is okay to be loving and nurturing and
still be masculine. Based on all the feedback I receive, few women really
embrace the bad boy for any length of time, and certainly not in the
long-term.
Fifth, gals...let me say this as plainly as I
can. Guys don't like games! Do not wonder what he meant, for God's sake, ask
him! Most likely, he meant exactly what he said. Most likely, there was no
hidden meaning in, "Honey, I'm exhausted." If women will
start taking a man's words on face value, we will all live so much more
happily.
Sixth, enjoy each other; the differences, the
similarities, and all that comes with being in a relationship with another
human being. We humans are wired to connect.
Copyright (c) 2010 Ed Rigsbee
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Ed Rigsbee, CSP, for over two
decades, as the speaker on relationships has been helping business individuals and organizations of
all sizes to grow their market through smart alliance
relationships--while at the same time helping individuals to develop
what he calls Relationship Glue for their personal lives. He
is also the author of PartnerShift-How to Profit from the
Partnering Trend and The Art of Partnering. Rigsbee has
over 1,500 hard-copy published articles to his credit and is a
regular keynote presenter at corporate and trade association
conferences teaching North America how to access their Collaborative
Advantage through the steps he shares in his writing and
lectures. You can access all Ed's Web Sites and Blogs through www.rigsbee.com.
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