Speak
to Be Understood In Your Relationships
By Ed Rigsbee, CSP
(560 words)
Are You Oblivious to the Clues?
One of my favorite cartoons says it all. Visualize this: the husband, with
kind of a duh look on his face coming home, as he opens the door to enter--a
spear slams into the door. The caption reads, "While he though their
argument was settled at breakfast, Jim sensed that Sally had some unresolved
issues."
Honestly, don't you feel this way about your
sweetie sometimes? Sure you do. So what's a person to do--give up? Let's face
it, you really do know if your communication is being received--it's just
easier to stay in your comfort zone and be oblivious. And yes, this goes for
both guys & gals alike.
What Are You Really Trying To Say?
Communication is an interesting phenomenon, there is the sender and there is
the receiver--and rarely does the exact message sent get received in
accordance with the sender. Nothing new here--sure, I know. However, the real
issue is do you give a rat's behind about the other? If you do, you'll
go to the effort to get them to feed back what you sent so you can determine
if the message was received anywhere close to what was intended.
In today's hurry, hurry, hurry,
world--communication truly suffers. Decide to be part of the solution rather
than the problem and take the time to be certain of how your communication is
received--otherwise you'll be like Jim in the cartoon with the duh look on
your face, never quite understanding why your sweetie is ticked off.
Need That Loving Feeling?
You know that you need that loving feeling, but...why aren't you getting it?
Perhaps it is because you are only putting out what you want? There is more to
the world than...just getting what you want. What about your partner?
Receive What You Send
Come on, let's be honest with one another...can we? If you treat your partner
like crap, what do you expect? But you say, "I'm treating my partner
great!" Are you? Your partner's perception is his or her reality. If
you are doing things for them (making relationship bank deposits) that they do
not see as useful or valuable--guess what? They're not! If you do something
for another person that you might like them to do for you; that's nice. But
the act is of very little value, if any, to the receiving person. Why? Because
you are not doing for them, something that they value. And then you get all
pissed off because they are not appreciative of your gesture. Wow, what did
you expect?
Ask First, Do Second
Yep, ask your partner what they need, and/or hold as being valuable. Then do
that, not what you have been doing. It is simple as that--trust me. But wait!
You still think they really like what you like--you've got to get a clue.
Their perception is their reality, and there is no way that you will change
their reality following your current course. Better, work to develop
strategies and tactics that will allow your partner to reveal to you what it
is that they really want. Think about it--you have nothing lose.
It is all about communication--speaking to be
understood and understanding what has been said. Wishing you all the best in
getting that loving feeling...
Copyright (c) 2010 Ed Rigsbee
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Ed Rigsbee, CSP, for over two
decades, as the speaker on relationships has been helping business individuals and organizations of
all sizes to grow their market through smart alliance
relationships--while at the same time helping individuals to develop
what he calls Relationship Glue for their personal lives. He
is also the author of PartnerShift-How to Profit from the
Partnering Trend and The Art of Partnering. Rigsbee has
over 1,500 hard-copy published articles to his credit and is a
regular keynote presenter at corporate and trade association
conferences teaching North America how to access their Collaborative
Advantage through the steps he shares in his writing and
lectures. You can access all Ed's Web Sites and Blogs through www.rigsbee.com.
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