My Relationship—Am I Paying
Attention or Off the Mark?
By Ed Rigsbee, CSP
(509 words)
You’ve been there, you know what
I’m talking about; your special someone just will not open up and
tell you why they appear not to be themselves—so you think. This is
a hugely difficult dynamic. You ask yourself, “Do I push for
answers, or just keep quiet?”
Is it Real?
How do you know if there really is a
problem? It seems as such; their behavior has changed just slightly.
They’re just not quite as attentive as usual. Sure, it could be you,
or it could be something that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
How do you know? Just how pushy should you be in attempting to
discover if there really is an issue?
Living in Oblivion
For years, I have used a cartoon in my
seminars to make the point of male cluelessness. Visualize the
picture; upon entering the house, still at the front door, a spear
hits the door inches from his head. The caption reads, “Although he
thought their argument had been settled at breakfast, Jim sensed that
Sally had some unresolved issues.” So the challenge becomes living
one’s life, skating on thin ice—ice that is really a continuum
that stretches between oblivious and aggressive. The fact is…you are
going to fall on that hard ice once in a while.
It’s Not Easy
To illustrate how difficult this
dynamic really is—I’ve been married for 35 years to the same
woman, and I frequently still get it wrong. Sometimes I’m oblivious
when I should be attentive and then other times I’m pushy when I
should let things be. But, there is hope in communication; keep
talking. Through sympathy, empathy, and compassion in conversation,
you have your best chance of determining if it was you that screwed up
or if your partner is simply dealing with some stuff that does not
concern you.
Relationship Resolution
The truth will set you free, if your
partner will just share it with you. First, in human relationships, I
believe it is better to ask too may questions as opposed to not
enough. With that said, it is also prudent not to be a pain in the
neck. Yet, if we take a lesson from children, when they want something
they are relentless in asking. Blending both ideas; be gentle but keep
the communication going. Keep seeking answers, and do it from
different perspectives. Do not keep asking the same question, but
shift how you ask to broach the subject through different windows.
Let’s take a lesson from my old boss.
In the mid-1970s, I was in outside sales and worked for a gentleman by
the name of Ray Kahn. He told me, numerous times, if you make a
mistake and lose an account, no problem. However, if you lose an
account because you were not paying attention—I don’t need you. I
witnessed Ray firing a salesman, Mike, for losing a major account
because he was simply not paying attention. Whatever you do, don’t
lose your partner in life because you were asleep at the wheel.
Copyright 2010 Ed
Rigsbee
# # #
Ed Rigsbee, CSP, for over two
decades, as the speaker on relationship ROI has been helping business individuals and organizations of
all sizes to grow their market through smart alliance
relationships--while at the same time helping individuals to develop
what he calls Relationship Glue for their personal lives. He
is also the author of PartnerShift-How to Profit from the
Partnering Trend and The Art of Partnering. Rigsbee has
over 1,500 hard-copy published articles to his credit and is a
regular keynote presenter at corporate and trade association
conferences teaching North America how to access their Collaborative
Advantage through the steps he shares in his writing and
lectures. You can access all Ed's Web Sites and Blogs through www.rigsbee.com.
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